Done with that, onto this...

Poke: Nope, it's done.

Work: Fine. I have a performance plus problem, which means I hold myself WAY UP HERE and consider everyone else to be way down here and I can't expect them to meet my standards of excellence. Great.

POF.com: Yay I met a super swell guy, BL. We have hit it off! I dig it. So for now, I'm staying off the website so I can see where this goes.

Money: Need some. Lots. Like $60,000.00 for student loans. Fucking shit.

Wow, what a month...

Poke: yeah, we fuck a lot now but I've come to realize that there is no hope for us. He doesn't entertain me like he used to, he's not the same person I fell in love with. I still feel like he's my best friend, but even that's starting to wax and wane as time goes by. Fine with me! I've got better things to do.

Men: suck. I went out on a date with a really swell guy and I thought it went well. Apparently I thought wrong because less than 4 days later he was already ignoring my texts and not returning my phone call. Whatever. Then there was this other guy who never even met me in person (more on that later) and when I called him out for constantly wanting to meet but never agreeing to any options I gave him (he basically wanted to come to my house and I said no it must be in public), he called me large and repulsive. Nice. THEN there was this boy at work who has been flirting with me since I started. We exchanged numbers, he called me once, we talked at work, and then Slutsy McFuckstick (a girl in my department) decided she wanted to get w/him and basically sabotaged the whole thing. He and I made plans to go out last tuesday and he didn't call or show up. Awesome. Two days later I find out he already has a girlfriend! Needless to say my hurt and sadness over that didn't last. So, yeah. Rejected three times in one week, my confidence surely took a blow.

POF.com: plentyoffish.com, a dating website. Been talkin' to some guys on there. It's not bad, it's not great, it just is. I'm not too concerned with it right now, but I would like to find someone nice and friendly and not fucked up in the head.

Other: Work is great. I love my job, but I still hate getting up at the godforesaken crack of dawn. I got a new cell phone, the LG enV 3 and it rules. When I went to buy it, they said I could get two new phones free after rebate. I was like awesome and called my parents to ask if they wanted new phones. They said yes. Well when they saw their phones they hated them and it was a big fucking problem. I was like wow ok can we be more ungreatful? Thanks. My friend NW from school came over to MW/AH's house with me last night. Then we came home and had adult time. It was spectacular. My friends liked him, as far as I can tell, and everyone was getting along and having lots of fun. Yay. He tried to fuck me in the bathroom and they caught us LOL it's a good thing he locked the door!

Well I suppose that's all for now, I guess it'll be another month before I post again? Maybe not, I'm gonna try to keep it up like I used to.

Oh - and - GO BUCKS! First game was yesterday, we beat Navy (barely), 31-27.

Glen Campbell and Kenny Rogers!

The Big Cardinal At the Front Gate of the Fair

...At the Ohio State Fair, Tuesday August 4th! It. Was. Amazing.

Poke came over around 5:30pm and picked me up, we drove down to the fair and got there around six. Only took about 15 minutes to get there; we'd left at around 5:45pm. At first I was all confused and getting irritated cuz we drove in, didn't pay for parking (included in concert ticket price!), and starting heading towards the back. Every time we came to a parking area/crossroads, the cops waved us on. I was like "Um, do they think we're leaving?!" Finally at the very last chance, they directed us to park. One of the most annoying things in the world is having someone direct me with hands - I was like yelping at Poke to TURN TURN TURN and he's like I AM! I DONT WANNA GO IN THE MUD! and meanwhile the fucking cop is trying to make him park in a hugr mud puddle - basically directing him right to it. Jesus. In the end, we were ok - mostly cuz Poke parked crooked on purpose so he was not in the mud and so I didn't have to step in it to get out. =)

Luckily the haywagon tram was stopped right at our line picking people up/dropping folks off, so we hopped right onto it and rode our way to the front gate. We weren't really that far from the front gate, but walking would have been a pain and I'm sure we would have gotten lost! When we got off the tram, we immediately started to hold hands and I was like "oh, sorry I was about to hold your hand" and he was like "that's ok, I want you to." I didn't know what to think of that because when we were dating we always held hands, or he would always have his arm around me when we were walking and he had already done that several times to/from the car, etc. I guess old habits die hard. Anyway, at the front there was a AAA booth, and since Poke now has AAA, we stopped to see what was up and ended up with a free ticket to the Skyride! Then we headed to the gate, showed our Kenny Rogers tickets, and waltzed right in. Yay! We got a map and a booklet, walked a little ways, and there was the Skyride. Poke went to buy me a ticket but before he could hand the guy the money some lady was like "ma'am! ma'am!" and I turn around and she's like "here you can have my free ticket I won't use it." So I yelled to Poke "CANCEL!" cuz even though it was only $3 to ride, free is better! We got in line (lol, we were the only ones behind one couple) and then had to go stand on the yellow box to wait. I was scared cuz you have to hop up into the chair like a ski lift (which I have never been on) and hang on for dear life. Poke had no issue but my legs are short and I barely made it hahahaha. So we rode the Skyride to the other end of the Fair and passed the Celeste Center, where the concert was to be held, on the way. When we got off POke needed to potty so we walked over to this random building with stuff in it and while he p'd I smoked outside. He told me about this girl ripping him off of some cash he'd given her for tickets to TOOL, and I laughed, and reminded him that everyone sucks but me. He said he knew. Then we started walking again, and Poke said he was hungry now and wanted to get some food. I had had him stop at Wendy's on the way so I could get a Jr Cheeseburger, just so I wouldn't eat a ton of Fair food, so I was not hungry at all. He ended up getting a $7 Meatball Splash - worth about $5 - and from the way he wolfed it down, it was thoroughly enjoyed! LOL.

Poke on the haywagon tram

Me on the haywagon tram

View from the Skyride

Me and Poke on the Skyride

Meatball Splash!

We walked to the Celeste Center and smoked a cigarette, for at this time it was around 7:15pm. The concert started at 7:30pm. When we were done smoking we got in line to get in, had our tickets scanned, and after another potty break we found our seats. The seats were kinda far back (not as far back as they seem in the pics, my camera phone is just weird like that), a little bit farther than half-way from the stage but still on the floor. We were in an angled row and he let me have the end seat so I could see. We saw a booth off to the left selling Kenny Rogers shirts, and I wanted one sooooooooooooooo bad but it was $25 and I have a really hard time paying more than $15 for a t-shirt. I told Poke it was a shame we didn't live together anymore cuz if we did we could have bought one shirt and shared it. He got this look on his face like he was plotting and I said "No, we cannot have dual custody of a t-shirt. You cannot have it every other weekend and three weeks during the summer. It won't work" and we laughed. We were still contemplating whether or not to buy a shirt when the lights went down. Poke and I hurried back to our seats and just in time too because at that moment Glen Campbell came on stage!

Glen Campbell was pretty sweet. I wasn't sure how much I would enjoy it cuz I didn't think I knew that many of his songs - turns out I know a whole bunch! Plus he sang a few covers, including "Dream" (Everley Brothers) and "Jackson" (Johnny Cash/June Carter) with his daughter. He even played "Classical Gas" by Mason Williams, my number one favorite instrumental! Glen finished with "Rhinestone Cowboy", my favorite song by him, and I was beside myself with giddiness. Overall, Glen Campbell was great. However, the best was yet to come.

Waiting for the concert to start

Glen Campbell

Glen Campbell played from 7:30pm til 8:30pm and then there was a half-hour intermission. We went outside and smoked then headed back to our seats. I thought maybe the place would fill up (for example, our row had been empty except us and one other couple) but it didn't seem like there were more people than before. At 9pm sharp, the lights went down, some music started, and Kenny came out on stage. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Everyone jumped to their feet, clapping and whooping, and we were no different. It gave me chills just being in the same area as Kenny. He sang two songs, kinda combined, and then talked to the audience a bit. There was a guy in the front row w/his wife, and apparently this guy's name was Glen Campbell. Kenny thought this was hilarious and chose him as the man of the evening. He made a deal with the non-famous Glen Campbell that if Kenny sang a song Glen recognized, he'd throw him a $10 bill. By the end of the night this guy had a fistful of cash and Kenny tossed him a t-shirt! I was so jealous. Kenny sang only two songs I didn't recognize, and right in the middle he sang "Just Dropped In" and Poke and I went craaaaazy when the first chords were played. It was amazing. (Side note - I have some videos but I don't know how I can upload them - I'll try though.) When Kenny sang the love songs Poke put his arm around me, we were holding hands/touching the whole time. It was strange and fine at the same time. Kenny showed a video montage of "The Gambler" tv show while he sang the song of the same name, had a cardboard cut-out of Tim McGraw on stage while he sang some song they'd done together as a duet, showed another montage of pics of his wife Wanda & their 5 yr old twin sons during another song, and was overall a pretty funny guy while talking to the crowd in between songs. It was awesome.

Kenny Rogers!

When we got out, Poke wanted to ride a ride but they were all closed so we just left. On the way back he asked if I wanted to go to the Filling Station for karaoke and I suggested Brewstirs instead because it was on the way. We stopped in there, Cat was doing her show, and Valdez happened to be there as well. The crowd was pretty thin so we actually got to sing abotu 3 songs each - usually it's so packed you can barely sing one, maybe two if you get there super early - but we'd gotten there around 10:30pm so I felt lucky to sing so many! A few times when we were outside smoking this one drunk weird dude was out there being creepy and annoying. The last time we went out, Poke stopped at the bathroom and I headed out alone, thinking he'd be right behind me in a minute. Well, unfortunately, he was not. This creepy fucking dude tried to kiss me, grabbed my head and everything, and I was like "NO!" and I could hear Poke on the other side of the door, so I was like "POKE! POKE! POKE!" trying to get him to come outside or at least look out the door. He didn't so I just threw my cigarette down and walked back in. He was like "what's going on" and as we walked back to our seat (we'd already moved from a table to the bar to get away from this creepo dude) I told him what happened. Poke was SO pissed. He wanted to kick the dude's ass. I felt special, ya know, Poke wanting to defend my honor and all that. We left the bar at closing and went home to my house. Adult enjoyment followed.

Sadly when I woke up, on the couch, at 6:15am to my work-day alarms (which I had forgotten to turn off), Poke was gone. I was half asleep and all confused, looking all over the house for him and then for my keys, having noticed the door was locked. I called him and called him but he didn't answer, so I just went up to bed. I woke back up around 10am and he had texted me that he put the keys through the mail slot (true, I went down and found them in the corner) and that he was sorry he left, it was a shitty thing to do, but he was starving and knew he'd never be able to wake me up to get me upstairs (also true, when I'm drunk and pass out there is no waking me up and/or moving me). I was upset but at least his reason for leaving made sense.

So now, things are back to "normal" - not with me and Poke, just with my life. I had one day of excitement and it's back to the grind. My job is going very well and I love it, except for having to wake up SO early and drive SO far. I'm in charge (3rd in command) and I make decisions and shit is up to me. I like being my own "boss" instead of having to bow to everyone like at the assisted living place I worked at for my externship. OH! Speaking of, my college graduation was this past Sunday and it was nice. I got to see my friends and get my actual piece of paper degree and now it's all over. Woot!

Been So Long

Hey peeps, what's up.

Whole lot of nothing going on over here, mostly because I started my new job as a gourmet chef at a local grocery store. Hell yeah.

RR is kinda fading away from the picture... sad, but I had a feeling it might come to this. He told me over and over that he's not interested in a serious relationship, even though he didn't act like it, and I think he's feeling like he needs to pull away. So be it.

Unfortunately, Poke is back in the picture. We're not getting back together, just hanging out and being friends. I've had several people tell me to try it again, and twenty times that many (including my own brain) tell me to run fast and far away. Who knows what will happen.

My graduation is on Sunday and I'm kinda excited. I already have my degree, but it will be kinda cool to go through the ceremony and have it be "official".

Other than that... nothing to report!

Angry and Frustrated

So, I don't know what's going on with my "men" these days. I have my RR, who referred me as his "fuck buddy" (fine) and then also, please don't hit me, Poke's back in the picture. Ugh.

Well what I'm angry and frustrated about is the fact that Poke is going on vacation to Cozumel, Mexico. It's just not fair. Now was supposed to be our time together making a wonderful life and having tons of cash and living high on the hog and so forth. Instead he left my ass high and dry and I had to struggle the last few months to pay the bills he left me... I even had to find a new job. Goddamn it, NOT FAIR! It's not fucking fair that he is living well and has no money worries while I bust my ass all over the place just to make ends meet. Why does this always happen to me? Why am I constantly fucked?!

*sigh*

I don't even know if I can write any more cuz I'm so irritated. Even if I hadn't started talking to Poke again I would still know that he's living well with lots of cash and few bills and that has irked me since the moment he walked out the door. FUCK! I'm so angry.

Now, a repeat of a previously viewed video: